found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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