my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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