My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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