I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
