I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
