Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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