well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
