The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
