YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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