Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
