Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
