its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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