I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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