What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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