i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
