Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's the barista slut.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
