I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
