textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
