Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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