I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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