ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
