So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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