I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My Higher Power is John Stamos
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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