if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm too high and old for this...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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