ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
