My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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