Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
