DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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