Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
