Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
