idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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