Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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