dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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