i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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