she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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