I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm passing your future prison.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
