Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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