Kiss
Puke
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
