Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
