But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we're making bets on your personal life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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