I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
