I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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