finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
