i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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