I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
