Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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