I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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