he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
