I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
