you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
